She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
