i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
