I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
