She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
