The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
