you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
