Can Purell be used as lube?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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