cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
