you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
