Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
