I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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