tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
im holly from the hills drunk
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
