I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sober January is a disaster.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
