We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
