3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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