i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
