im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
