I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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