Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
