so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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