As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
