he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
