I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
