Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize