I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
