I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
