She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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