I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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