Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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