mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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