i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
