I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
