No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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