I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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