Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize