Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
