More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
