Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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