Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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