He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
