you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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