I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
