Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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