we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
