She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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