she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
