Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
