I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
