Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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