oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize