Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
