Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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