This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
