Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
