Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
