can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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