That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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