Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
