i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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