Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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