You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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