i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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