How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
