I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize