When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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