I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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