I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
