just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
