i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
