Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
