Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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