It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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