Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
