I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My balls are so social today.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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