No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
