the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize