Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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